


Pretend That You Love Me

by Myzic



Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Exhaustion, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Other, Whump, Whumptober 2020, no sex in this btw, oddly fluffy for a whump fic, peter's tired emotionally okay, we die like hyperion mayors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myzic/pseuds/Myzic
Summary: “Do you mind if I stay the night?” Juno asked, “It just seems like a hassle to get up, go to my room.” He sounded too casual, tone light and unassuming, and Peter didn’t doubt he knew what he was doing. “Fair warning, I am a bit of a sprawler, might take up a bit much room so I get it if you want the bed to yourself.”Peter’s breath had frozen in his lungs and he inhaled again. It was just the natural progression of their relationship. Juno knew what he was asking of him— trust. The same kind he had extended so easily before, but now found himself still at the idea of it.Or,The second time they sleep together.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956226
Comments: 20
Kudos: 117





	Pretend That You Love Me

It was Juno who broke the comfortable silence between them first. His back was to Peter’s chest and he fit snugly in his arms, in the crook of his neck like he was meant to be there.

“Do you mind if I stay the night?” he asked, “It just seems like a hassle to get up, go to my room.” He sounded too casual, tone light and unassuming, and Peter didn’t doubt he knew what he was doing. “Fair warning, I am a bit of a sprawler, might take up a bit much room so I get it if you want the bed to yourself.”

Peter’s breath had frozen in his lungs and he inhaled again. It was just the natural progression of their relationship. Juno knew what he was asking of him— trust. The same kind he had extended so easily before, but now found himself still at the idea of it. He had gone stiff at the question, and now he unwound each tense limb one by one until he was holding Juno instead of caging him, arms wrapped around him loosely once more. 

“Yes, of course, you can stay, Juno. I wouldn’t kick you out my bed the instant we’re done having sex. Give me credit to at least be as gentlemanly as that.” He acquiesced a second later, endearment fluttering through him as Juno offered an out in the same sentence he proposed the idea. 

The warm mass in his arms shifted, fabric rolling and shifting against his skin until he was face to face with the detective— former, he supposed, though he had no intentions to stop referring to him as such. With their faces so close, their noses almost touched, and Peter could feel warm breath against his cheeks. He smelled fragrant and soft, roses from the shower he’d taken before falling into bed with each other.

“I promised I would be better at this,” Juno huffed a single laugh, “and here I am dancing around what I actually want to say. Nureyev, are you okay,  _ really _ okay with me staying here with you? I—I know I already apologized for—”

“You did,” Peter quieted him briefly, “and I forgave you.”

“And I’m grateful, beyond belief that you gave this— us, a second chance. But if there are some things you still don’t want to do with me, like let me in here, I get it if you aren’t ready,” he swallowed and Peter saw the nervous dip of his adam’s apple, “if you never are. I hurt you when I walked out, took something good and precious, and threw it all away, and I am so sorry. But you know you don’t have to forgive me for everything immediately. Trust like that, it doesn’t have to be given freely just because I apologized. You can say no.”

He shuddered at the reminder of the last time he had been this vulnerable with Juno Steel, feeling the last dregs of comfy afterglow fade. 

Juno’s eyes were liquid but unwavering. If Peter asked, if he told him to leave his bed and go back to his room, he would do it. He knew what he was asking, left himself open and bare for Peter to do what he wished, but here he was, doing it anyway because, in the past year, Juno had learned to trust the people he loved. Peter wondered when it had happened. When the cynical lady he’d known a year ago had decided that he could get better, and not just for the sake of those around him, but because he deserved to for himself.

“I don’t want to say no,” he confessed, “I want you in every part of my life, Juno. And I forgive you. Again.” A sheepish smile broke out across his face, “because I do trust you. I want to share my days with you, all of them. It’s all yours if you’ll have me.”

“Nureyev, I should be the one asking you to have me,” Juno’s voice was a little damp, and Peter slid the wetness away from the corners of his eyes, his touch light. 

He was trying so hard to just tell Peter, to speak honestly about the things he wanted him to know. 

Peter should be doing him the same courtesy. He was reluctant to say what he wanted, didn’t want to see Juno hurt, watch the guilt fold in on him. 

His hands roamed over Juno’s back as he said, “I— I’m sorry to ask it, but, Juno. Please just don’t…” inquiring eyes found his, and Peter smoothed out his frown, “don’t tell me you love me. Maybe I’ll be ready to hear it tomorrow, or the next day. But not like this, not now. I can’t…”

Juno’s eyes flickered downwards for a second and he looked to be inhaling. “I can do that,” he said unsteadily, “and god, there’s no way to tell you  _ how _ —”

“Sorry you are?” Peter finished, “That’s enough apologies for one night, Juno. I don’t need your endless sorrow. There isn’t any use for it anymore, because  _ I forgive you _ . The past is over and we only have the future ahead of us, so I want to stop looking to the darkness of it and focus on making our tomorrow brighter.” He grabbed both of Juno’s hands and squeezed them, hoping the action could convey what his words might not. “And I want to do it with you.”

Juno pressed his head to his chest and laughed. It was a disbelieving sound, but a bright one, and Peter buried his hand in the thick hair on his head, quietly reveling in the feeling of the warm face just below his collarbone.

“Alright.” he said, “alright.”

Juno took a while to fall asleep like that, but when he did, his face relaxed and Peter could see his chin drop slightly. He snoozed at Peter’s side, still holding his hands.

He watched him, peaceful in his slumber and he wanted to sleep, to fully put his faith in the detective as he had declared, but… 

It was one thing to say it, and another to believe it. There had been another night, full of certainty for what the next day would look like, a time when he thought he would have the detective at his side to see all the stars he could conjure. Peter would have bottled the universe just for Juno and he’d said  _ yes _ . 

And he had forgiven Juno for it, truly, he had. The explanation had fallen earnest from the detective’s lips and it had all made so much sense that he’d been relieved. He’d come back into his life and Peter— he loved him, he did.

But a year ago he learned that pretty words were not enough to promise a life. They weren’t enough to stay. He couldn’t hear that declaration again when everything felt right, when the struggle was over and the thundering heat of devastation was laid to rest and then he was alone the next day.

Peter had never been alone until he met Juno Steel. Before, he had simply been independent, a lone wolf unbound and striking out in the world. Alone, he had learned, was worse than being stabbed, than being left bleeding and bruised and tortured. Peter had never been a lot of things until he met Juno, and he didn’t mind adding ‘alone’ to his list if he could have everything else along with it. 

It still haunted him, and Peter could not make his eyes close for the fear of it. He would have to wait and see, however long it took, to know that Juno loved him with more than his words.

So he laid awake in the dark of the room, focused on Juno’s breaths against his skin, and kept his eyes open.

And Peter did not sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> *Forces self to practice dialogue, kicking and screaming the whole way  
> Dialogue h u r d
> 
> If you want to check me out on Tumblr, I’m @themagicmistress !


End file.
